


Metas

by killypool



Series: Wade Wilson [4]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-01-16 10:11:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18519316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killypool/pseuds/killypool
Summary: Headcanons, but I manage to write more than 40 words about any given subject.





	1. Wade and Betty

wade and his gun safe, betty ;; 

inside a storage facility in  _very_ close distance to wade’s apartment, is a **[fucking huge safe](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.gunsafes.com%2FOld-Glory-Tactical-GunSafe-BR5939-39-Gun-Capacity-2-Hour-Rating.html%3Fgdffi%3Df8c2bdb2f4bf4567a25b09d6aa71d791%26gdfms%3DE4AE94AF97794BD0956505B0F4477B60%26gclid%3DEAIaIQobChMI8bjMxNDy3AIVgVuGCh2TswtYEAkYASABEgI3J_D_BwE&t=MDZkYmQyYTQwMzE1NjdlMzU2MDhiZGFjOGI3MWNlOGRhMGFkNmRlZixtdlZMdE14YQ%3D%3D&b=t%3Ay2BGSrbCVQLHgeaHk-jvgg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fkillypool.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F177074342737%2Fwade-and-his-gun-safe-betty-inside-a-storage&m=1) **named  **BETTY**. inside this ridiculously large safe ( that cost him $2,500 and was bought when he first returned to the states after his dishonorable discharge for the price of one rapist’s life ) is all of wade’s ammunition, ammo, personal information, spare cash, etc. he visits his gun safe daily to ensure no one’s touched it. 

among the legal documentation inside the safe 

  * his birth certificate and social security cards, both from the united states and canada. the canadian documents list his birth name, and should have been destroyed when he entered witness protection but were kept safe by his mother - something he made sure to keep safe
  * his ged diploma and all asvab test results and physicals
  * all papers related to wade’s time in the military and his dishonorable discharge and the circumstances related to that  

  * his and his mother’s medical records - surprise, surprise. him developing cancer  _really_  wasn’t that much of a surprise to wade
  * a ‘do not resuscitate’ order stating that no life saving measures  _ever_  be used to prolong his life, an advanced directive filled after his diagnosis stating that he is never to become intubated or put on a respirator and that he only wants to receive palliative (comfort/pain management) care and that he would like to donate his organs, and a durable power of attorney stating that  **vanessa c.arlysle gets to make final decisions about his care.**  
  * a will stating that all of his property will go to  ~~weasel~~  vanessa carlysle in the event of his death or disappearance
  * a life insurance policy in his name for vanessa in the amount of $1,000,000 that he put in place a few months before he proposed (without telling her.)
  * instructions for weasel and vanessa how to bail him out of jail & $250,000 in hundred dollar bills for that same purpose



vanessa is given information about the safe around the time she moves in or when wade proposes to her. any other significant other wade has in other verses would eventually have the same access and the documents (durable power of attorney & life insurance policy) will be put in their name

among the weapons inside the safe ( taken primarily from [HERE](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.imfdb.org%2Fwiki%2FDeadpool_%282016%29&t=YzNjMGE3NTQwMWFmY2RkNTgzMTA1ZWYxMzU4MjI2ZmU1ZjE3ZGEzZSxtdlZMdE14YQ%3D%3D&b=t%3Ay2BGSrbCVQLHgeaHk-jvgg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fkillypool.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F177074342737%2Fwade-and-his-gun-safe-betty-inside-a-storage&m=1) and is not my original material )

  * [IWI Desert Eagle Mark XIX](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.imfdb.org%2Fwiki%2FDesert_Eagle%23Desert_Eagle_Mark_XIX&t=Y2FiNWRiNjljMDdjZDZlMzVkZWIzNDgzMzdiZWJkMDhjYjc4YzE2NCxtdlZMdE14YQ%3D%3D&b=t%3Ay2BGSrbCVQLHgeaHk-jvgg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fkillypool.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F177074342737%2Fwade-and-his-gun-safe-betty-inside-a-storage&m=1) x 4 ( primary gun after becoming deadpool )  

  * Para-Ordnance P14.45 Limited x 3 ( primary gun before becoming deadpool )  

  * Glock 17
  * Heckler & Koch Mark 23  

  * Smith & Wesson Model 29 ( he keeps a long barreled model 29 under his pillow )  

  * Heckler & Koch UMP45  

  * IMI Mini Uzi  

  * IMI Galil SAR  

  * Norinco Type 84S-2  

  * Steyr AUG A1  

  * Remington 870 (Short Barreled) x 2  

  * Vickers Mk1  

  * Lewis Gun  

  * various revolvers x 8
  * more fucking ammunition than anyone could possibly need
  * multiple hunting knives 
  * scopes
  * multiple gun care kits
  * ko katanas ( bought in japan )
  * knife sharpening stones



more weapons and ammunition are kept inside his apartment including a shotgun hung on the wall.


	2. Birthdays

wade stopped caring about his birthday once he hit 21. as a child, his father was never fond of celebrating anything besides himself. holidays in general were small affairs between wade and his mother when his mother was present enough to remember. after they left wade’s father, birthdays were celebrated only with small pastries and small dollar store cards. in his mother’s most present moments, he was given handmade gifts - a bookmark she knitted, already fraying at the ends, or cheap white shoes decorated in captain america’s shield. after his mother’s passing, birthdays were only meaningful in terms of getting what he needed. 18 to enlist in the military and get some sort of a life started. 21 to make it easier to get ahold of something strong to drink. after 21? he couldn’t be fucked to care.

at 40, there was no one in wade’s life that knew or cared about his birthday. and wade was unbothered by that. having vanessa come into his life made holidays meaningful again, though wade didn’t find it necessary to make his birthday a day to celebrate. he makes a bigger deal of anniversaries and holidays with vanessa out of fear that he’ll forget to celebrate them or forget to make her gifts if he doesn’t turn it into the utmost importance. 

legitimate gifts make wade extremely uncomfortable and suspicious, especially on his birthday. kind gestures also give him pause. if he trusts you, he’ll awkwardly try to refuse the gift or gesture out of habit. if he doesn’t trust you, he may go so far as to completely throw the gift away. the more he cares about you, the more he’ll try to express gratitude for whatever you give him, but smaller and cheaper means more.


	3. Halloween

yes, wade absolutely made a second suit for this. halloween is no joke, and if putting on a green suit again helps kick someone’s ass in gear to make the next shrek movie, well…

his apartment didn’t get too much foot traffic of trick or treaters, so he absolutely had to drop in at the mansion and every nearby public gathering space. his treat of choice to give out? fidget spinners. you never know which kids have food allergies, and he’s not about to have any mom accusing him of giving out drugs. (can you believe it? who the fuck would ever give out drugs? they’re expensive as shit). any munchkin with an issue with getting a fidget spinner gets a very realistic fake cockroach in their bag. any particularly sweet kids who thank him get a full size candy bar. any holiday is a good time to teach little brats about gratitude.

and once the fidget spinners and candy bars run out and there’s no fireworks or other exciting flammables to give to children, he’s more than happy to give the kids what they  _really_  want: his autograph. in crayon. on the back of a walmart receipt.


	4. Wade and Elf on the Shelf

what wade does with the elf depends entirely on who he’s manipulating the elf for. during christmas time with vanessa, the poor, poor elf needed therapy. mr. elf was, over the course of december, drowned inside a bong, curled around a dildo, crushed under a bottle of tequila, hung from a noose, sat beside ken dolls with a post it declaring him ‘hung’, wrapped around wade’s wilson, recovering from a hangover over the toilet, and many other horrible things before finally and mercifully being dropped off at a church with a post it note saying ‘forgive me, father, for i have sinned’ on one side and ‘sorry daddy, i was naughty’ crossed out on the back. rest in peace, you sad, sad bastard.

of course, this is clearly not the most appropriate positioning for children. if he were setting up an elf on a shelf for his own kids (ideally, future children with vanessa), he would have the most appropriate fun possible with it. most days, there would be a gift for his kids along with the elf such as the corner of a present torn open by the elf just enough for his kid to get a sneak preview of one of their gifts, the elf with a gift card for their favorite restaurant under the elf’s arm so his kid knows where they get to go that night, sitting atop a pile of costume jewelry, sitting inside a fort made entirely of chocolate bars. he would try to get as creative as possible for his kids because he wants christmas to be the best time of year for them, and if that means spending three hours manipulating a tiny doll, it’s worth it.


	5. Childhood ft Jeremy Englund

the first thing he thought upon seeing the man was that the man could make a career of being kind. five seconds into knowing him, and the man had given him a soda, took him into a quiet room, a television playing mtv on low volume in the corner. he was all of 10 years old, a scrawny boy swallowed whole in a cushy chair. he had no clue where his father was, but that never bothered him - it was always for the  _best_  when he didn’t know where his father was. but his mom was missing, and that was enough to have him jittery, looking around in search of his lifeline. 

❝ she’s in another room. ❞     the older man told him, voice soft and patient as his hands folded in his lap.     ❝ she’s completing paperwork. boring things. i thought you’d be more comfortable in here. ❞  


he nodded, nervously wiping the rim of the soda can before popping it open. legs folded in the seat, no mind to the way dried muddy shoes scraped against the cushion. and if the older man had any complaints about it, he was silent. he wasn’t _angry_  like his father was. didn’t yell, didn’t make demands, didn’t threaten. he relaxed in the seat, but only slightly, downing the ice cold can entirely before belching loudly. again, the man with the glasses only smiled reassuringly and grabbed the small trash can beside him to offer. 

❝ i’m afraid a lot of things are going to be changing for you, _jeremy_. ❞     the older man said slowly, the hint of a frown crossing his features for the first time that day.     ❝ but  _oh,_  it will be exciting. you’ll have a new home, a new school. have you ever heard of seattle, jeremy? i think you and your mom will love it there. ❞  


for the first time that day, he spoke up, voice trembling.     ❝  _just_  us? ❞

the older man smiled sadly at the younger boy, one eye swollen shut, long sleeve shirt hiding his arms even during the warmest day of the winter. he reached into his desk, pulling out a small piece of candy, offering it to him with a comforting smile.    ❝ _just_  you two. so much will change, jeremy. but it’s for the best. it’s going to be so exciting for you, my boy. ❞


	6. Hookups ft Selma Rayes

** Selma Rayes **

wade’s attention wasn’t immediately caught because of the language. his french was rusty, his use of the language tapering off sharply after his mother’s passing. but he could still remember it, and he was halfway done with his jameson on the rocks before realizing that he really shouldn’t be hearing french while stationed in kentucky. curiosity got the better of him, and he found himself listening in, though what he heard only made him laugh.

 

❝  _sorry. don’t speak english when you’re this ugly. try again later. try again never._  ❞  


wade took his glass, making his way to take a seat beside her.      ❝  _i’m not one to brag, but you’re going to need to use another language to turn me down._  ❞

for that, he seemed to get a smile in response, but the pretty girl continued, switching easily over to spanish.     ❝  _but do i want to turn you down?_  ❞she asked in reply, hiding her smile behind a bottle of beer.

❝  _god, i hope not._  ❞     he returned. learning languages came easily to him. copying the accents did not, and his clumsy attempt at replying earned him a snort. wade never minded short stays when he was being stationed - he was just as happy in one shitty ass state as another. any time spent inside the united states felt boring. but suddenly there was a reason to want to spend just a  _little_  bit longer at fort campbell. 


	7. Human Nature

wade’s idea of human nature was shaped very very early on in life as a direct result of his parents. an idea formed that humans are inherently selfish, and as a result of being selfish, will always hurt everyone around them. there’s his father, seeking out outlets for his own rage. there’s his mother, seeking distractions from her own life in the form of drugs. there isn’t a human being alive who isn’t doomed to hurt everyone at some point in their life. it’s a fact. by the time he was in high school, wade was convinced he would eventually be a monster if he wasn’t already. 

this hugely influences how he views other people. wade looks at everyone knowing they have the capability to hurt him in some shape or form. he knows people will lie and cheat and steal and manipulate. he rarely trusts off the bat. after so much time alone with his mother, wade begins to believe that women are  _better_  at being less selfish than men. they’re more observant, they can tell when people are about to get hurt, they have the restraint to back off when they chose to do so. he has much less faith in men. there are a few figures in his life he sees as infallible. there are people - figures - he idolizes. among them is very deservingly betty white. mr. rogers. bob ross. captain america. he sees them as heroes, and there’s very little that could change that. 

as to how this affects him now, he sizes up people when he meets them. and at 41 years old, he’s pretty damn good at sizing people up. he has  _very_  few friends, and it’s no surprise that weasel is his closest. weasel makes no move to hide how much of an ass he is. weasel earned wade’s trust by being unashamed of how untrustworthy he is. the more people try to hide how broken, how evil, how corrupt they are, the less wade will ever trust them. him falling for vanessa wasn’t by chance. she made no secret of who she was, of what she’d do to protect herself. if you start off on the wrong foot with wade and show the broken pieces of yourself first, he knows it’ll only get better. 

exceptions to this are people he  _knows_  are inherently good. like an aura. a disgustingly cute aura of goodness like a walking fairy tale. dopinder is by far the strongest example. besides dopinder, persons under the disgusting aura of goodness category tend to be limited to children and children only. colossus was not under this aura. colossus was a whole different ballpark of overwhelming breathplay of justice. not nearly as good and kind and trustworthy, though colossus eventually earned wade’s trust. 

as for the effect of wade’s views on humanity on  _himself_ , well -  it isn’t pretty. he doesn’t think he’s a hero. he will  _never_  think of himself as a hero. as simple as it gets, he sees himself as a shitty guy willing and ready to kill shittier guys. he doesn’t _enjoy_  killing, but after his time in the army, he adopted the belief set in him as a sniper. some people must die for everyone else to be safe. he toes the line of becoming one of the people who needs to die and he knows it. every time he fires off another bullet or pushes his knife or katana in, he knows he’s closing the gap between chaotic good and chaotic evil. 

but he’s convinced that his humanity has been on the chopping block for long enough. if people don’t go about  _telling him not to kill_  the  **right way** , he’ll continue to do it. because even as wrong as it is to kill someone, there’s a sizable part of him that feels better every time some abuser, some rapist, some pedophile, some murderer is unable to hurt anyone else again. his beliefs in his mercenary work are  **it pays the bills** and  **it’s the only good i can do.**  if someone sat him down and told him he can help others without murdering the evil people, he would listen. colossus’ way of getting him to stop did absolutely jack shit. 

at the end of the day, no one is ever going to hate wade more than he hates himself. he can be rude, inappropriate, overwhelming. he can steal and he lies out his ass more often than not. he can be manipulative when he wants to be. and he can absolutely maim and kill and injure with almost no regret. but he still has lines he won’t cross. there are ways he would  _never_  let himself hurt another person. before he was deadpool, he was a 41 year old man who was weary and tired and housing a death wish older than his franchise who was ready to take out bad guys or intimidate guys who could be bad under the guise of needing money until he was finally taken out. as deadpool, he’s a man unable to die forcing himself to continue in his work to stop the feeling of hopelessness and stagnation from setting in. throughout every part of his life, he was a man in need of guidance, and as it stands, has  **yet**  to get the guidance he needs. 


	8. expectations

call it a product of his upbringing, but positive reinforcement? it kinda really works with wade. he adapts to anyone’s expectations of him. with his mother - his sweet, caring, patient (if not always present) mother - he would do as she asked. he’d be helpful and polite and sweet within the bounds of any rambunctious child’s ability. with his father - angry and vengeful and uncaring - he would retreat. he learned very quickly that there was no fucking point in trying to please a man that would hate him regardless. in front of his dad, he’d break plates, throw food, throw fits. there was nothing to gain from being the son his father never wanted. 

he didn’t unlearn any of that. his attention and effort in classes would vary. kinder, more patient teachers would earn his attention. mocking teachers would earn a class clown. he performed well when someone already thought well of him. he didn’t believe in the idea of changing anyone’s perception of him. 

though this was tested in the military, it continued. the people around him encouraged him even when superiors did not. every mile he ran was to run beside his brothers. his problem with authority was set aside, ignored as he forced himself to rise through the ranks. and when he couldn’t reconcile a (lack of) respect for authority and adherence to his own moral code, he was dishonorably discharged. 

from there, his reaction to expectations only worsened. he knew he was a low life. he knew women and children and law enforcement had every reason to fear him or despise him. friendships formed with the mercenaries of sister margaret’s and with weasel; no one worried about expectations at sister margaret’s. there was no arrogance, no snobbishness. they were all stuck in the same shithole living the same sinful life. a shared sense of humor gave weasel and wade reasons to respect each other more than education or prowess or ability could. 

and then there was vanessa. 

she knew the life, she knew the lifestyle. the second she laid eyes on wade, she knew he wasn’t the bachelor worthy. but she flirted with him, returned his jokes, accepted his money and his invitation to a date. she gave him no reason to believe he wasn’t good enough for her. and with that, he wanted to prove her right. great sex, great dinners, amazing nights. he wanted to give her the goddamn world, and she seemed thankful and appreciative of every second of it. he recognized how big her heart was to let him in like that, and he didn’t want to prove her wrong.

and when he got sick and his temper was lost and he beat to death a doctor for selling fake cures, he knew he had to get away from vanessa. before he was even mutated, he was becoming too much of a monster for her. 

and when he escaped from the oxygen chamber, skin a warped and horrifying mess, he knew he couldn’t go back to her and beg for her forgiveness and her love when he had nothing to offer her. his list of cons was too long to ignore. but instead of hiding, he searched for a way to be better for her. he did everything he could to make himself human for her - even though she didn’t need it.

and after he lost vanessa? well, it was the first time colossus’ words made sense. colossus was offering him a home, a family, a chance to redeem himself. and after the years of pushing the russian away, he finally gave in. he finally allowed himself to believe that colossus’ love and respect was worth it, and he strove to meet it. he tried to improve the mansion, organize it, make himself worthy. he feared returning to the battlefield at colossus’ side. and he was right to.

colossus’ love and respect for wade had been conditional, thrown away when wade obeyed his own moral code to save an abused boy, a shadow of what he himself had used to be. but the whole expectations deal? couldn’t apply to kids. russell couldn’t judge him. russell wasn’t old enough to know better. so wade had to try to be good to the kid, do what was best for the kid. even if that meant pushing him away to save him the heartbreak of losing someone else. and wade made his mistakes in that. but he didn’t regret it. not if it meant russell was still alive and russell was able to grow.


End file.
